What is romance?
The code of chivalry. In the days of the knights, it was to curry favor by
lavishing personal attention, gifts or flattery upon a woman. It was gracious courtesy and
high-minded consideration shown by a gentleman to a lady.
To be romantic was to be patient. The object was to win her heart by grand and obvious
expressions of love for as long as it took. Affection wasn't expressed or expected until
he won her heart. Romance was heroic. If necessary, the knight engaged in brave deeds - at
some risk to himself to prove his single-minded pursuit and dedication to the object of
his desire.
The lady-in-waiting had her own code of courtesy as the pursued. She took a feminine
and passive role in giving gentle and gradual encouragement to her suitor. It was an
evolving love story that stood the test of both dragons and time.
The niceties were observed. Courtship rituals created an aura of anticipation and
heightened the emotional attraction. This relationship was different and had promise.
Romance was mysterious. The entreated woman didn't know what surprising gesture or act the
suitor would take to prove his love. He undertook to get her attention in a way she
wouldn't forget.
The notion of romance makes courtship an exciting time. It is also fraught with doubt
and anxiety. As modern as we think we are, it is amazing how big a hold traditional
romantic notions have on our emotions.
Romance after marriage. Husbands, how can you keep romance alive long after the
anxiety of courtship and the glow of the honeymoon wear off? Think to yourself, "What
surprising thing can I do to make my loved one feel cherished and special today?"
Romance is a thoughtful surprise. You remind your marriage partner of how much you
admire, love and appreciate her.
Feeling romanced is the opposite of feeling taken for granted. It is being appreciated.
It is being admired. It is being reminded of the emotional and physical attractiveness
that brought you together in the first place. You didn't win her heart by being
unobservant of her special qualities.
Romantic gestures are the frosting on the cake. They can be a turnoff if your daily
life together doesn't have love, consideration, respect, and courtesy. Special expressions
of love and attention, with compliments, intimate conversation, teamwork, and gratitude
set the stage for romance to be appreciated. Forethought is better than foreplay.
Celebrate with verve. On birthdays, anniversaries and Valentines Day a
gesture of recognition is expected. Put fanfare and gusto into the way these days are
celebrated. Doing something special and treating each other with extra consideration sets
them apart from routine days of stress, busyness and striving. Romance shows a willingness
to sacrifice for another's happiness.
These days are when your partner is expecting a little extra thoughtfulness. Traditions
are important. Show you care at traditional times when it is expected. Forgetting may
create major disappointment. Cards, flowers, candy, a gift or an evening out carry the day
in a delightful and satisfying manner.
To make the day extra romantic, plan a surprise along with the traditional way you
celebrate. Surprises take listening and remembering. Know what she really wants, plan
ahead and make sacrifices. Romance means surprising your partner with how well you know
her. The effort and thought that goes into a romantic gesture is appreciated almost as
much as the gesture itself.
Surprise days. Best of all are the times when you surprise your partner. The best
romantics go beyond the expected times and use sporadic surprises that communicate love
and appreciation. That makes a big impression! One surprising act of love and
consideration once or twice a month will make both of you incurable romantics.
Romance is time away from children - like a night out once a week or a weekend getaway
once every three months. Do things the way your partner would like them. Fulfill a few
fantasies. Not yours - hers. Time away from children is important for women. When children
are around with their usual needs, it is hard for a mother really to be free. Take
responsibility for making the arrangements.
Romance can be going new places and enjoying novel experiences together. Research shows
that sharing adventures together is part of the bonding experience for couples whose
honeymoon years are distant memories.
Romance is a habit that can be learned. Remember that the best part of romance is
catching your partner off guard. It leaves a lot to be desired when what you do is
predictable and their idea. Romance isn't romance if your partner has to spell out for you
exactly what to do. Be creative. Figure this out on your own or with friends.
Romance isn't a hustle to the bedroom. Those knights knew what they were doing. They
won the heart before they won the body. By the time physical affection was expressed,
there was no question about their feelings and commitment.
Some advice to women: Men like romance too. It may not be as expected, but it is
equally gratifying to the male ego and powerful in its effect.