Cherishing: An Exalted Form Of Love

Cherish: to feel or show affection for, to keep or cultivate with care, to harbor in one’s mind deeply, to hold dear. Even the sound of the word cherish evokes tenderness, warmth, value, sweetness.

How do you know if you are in a relationship where you are being cherished?

Cherishing is selfless. To cherish, one sets aside self-interest and affirms through acts of love the value of your partner.

Cherishing is an exalted form of love that manifests itself through thoughtful, considerate acts of kindness. Being cherished means being looked after and cared for. It is knowing that you matter, really matter. You know this by your mate's obvious concern for your happiness. You know this when you consistently experience your well being as your partner’s first concern.

Cherishing is intimate. Cherishing is the desire to connect with your loved one at a deep emotional level. You want to know your partner’s intimate feelings and thoughts and are willing to share your own.

You are each other’s best friend. You know and like each other better than anybody else. You feel safe and secure enough to share feelings openly and honestly. Cherishing means becoming more deeply involved, more responsive, more available, and more intimate.

One cherishes by wanting to know your mate's desires and opinions, by making decisions together that affect the relationship, and by planning together. Instead of living parallel lives, there is a conscious effort to coordinate and mesh your lives, to find mutually enjoyable activities, and to voluntarily become interdependent.

Cherishing is giving. Cherishing is giving the gift of the one thing you really control, the gift of whom, and to what you bestow your attention and affection. Being generous with your resources is another way of cherishing, but not as a substitute for the personal interest and awareness you give. Cherishing requires sharing time and space together. Couples cherish each other by making a conscious effort to cultivate, renew and celebrate their relationship on a daily basis.

Cherishing can be extremely selfish if one cherishes other things above primary relationships – such as money, cars, jewelry, collections, recreational hobbies, creative work, exercise, and obsessions of all kinds. Some of these things can be noble, inspiring, beautiful, and worthy of great affection. They have their place in a balanced life but not at the expense of neglecting what really matters.

It is hard to imagine being cherished if you don’t feel sought out, if your company is not enjoyed, if you are not remembered, and if what you have to say and feel isn’t listened to or valued. It is hard to imagine being cherished if your spouse consistently chooses other activities or pursuits without caring how they might affect you or your relationship.

Cherishing is kind. Cherishing is being there when needed - to really "get it" when you spouse is struggling or going through something hard and to reach out with open arms and words of sympathy and comfort. To be cherished is not being left alone with fear, threat or trauma.

To be cherished is to be treated with respect and dignity. You care enough to restrain your temper, show consideration in your requests and respect each other’s ideas, opinions and gifts. Cherishing requires giving up the toughness, harshness and impatience that often comes by putting one’s own agenda first. Love is not demanding, nor does it keep score.

Cherishing is expressive. To be cherished is to be noticed for your goodness, appreciated for your loving actions and to be verbally reminded of your worth. Expressions of love through words, gifts, thoughtful gestures, and remembrances communicate directly and powerfully how one feels about the other.

More than anything, cherishing is communicated through small, non-verbal acts of tenderness. It is shown through loving and knowing glances, by reaching out to hold hands, by gently giving a tender touch on the arm, back, or shoulder, or by wanting to be next to each other.

Cherishing is supportive. One who cherishes regards another not as an extension of self but as a unique, special individual. To cherish is to accept one’s spouse as he or she is now and to encourage and support their endeavors to achieve their highest potential.

To cherish is to give freedom and trust to your partner so that he or she can engage in pursuits that develop their talents, give enjoyment and stretch their capacity. This is done even if great sacrifices are involved.

Cherishing is forgiving. One who cherishes envelops another with a cloak of acceptance, dignity and respect. There is room for mistakes without penalty. There is room for compassion, for forbearance, and for forgiveness. Mistakes, even big ones, are viewed as essential to the process of becoming. To cherish is to be quick to find a way to repair the breach if something has damaged your love or unity.

It is easy to cherish if you see in your loved one a reflection of your own humanity. Cherishing means treating your mate with the same tenderness, compassion, and consideration as you yourself would like to be treated.