Appreciating Your Wife On Mother's Day And Every Day

What is the special bond between mother and child? This bond is formed through love, sacrifice, and extraordinary concern for the well-being of her child. This bond is formed:

- in the discomfort of pregnancy as one body meets the needs of two.

- in the travail of labor and birth.

- by the love and sacrifice of an adoptive mother.

- by providing constant watchcare and meeting needs of a helpless newborn.

- by interacting with a baby who is so delightful, fascinating, trusting, demanding and loving.

- by taking responsibility for training, teaching, loving, protecting, cherishing and meeting a child's needs.

Raising children takes work. The Peace Corps stole a slogan that belongs to motherhood, "It is the toughest job you’ll ever love."

It is through service that deep bonds are created and nurtured. This service continues day in, day out for at least 18 years of nurturing, guiding, teaching and discipline. Raising more than one child takes more work.

There is additional strain if their child has special needs, health problems, struggles in school and behavior problems. There are all the children’s activities and events that take special effort and dedication to support.

Then there are the teenage years with special worries, concerns and the strain of a child moving toward independence. Finally there is the young adult years with even less control and more expense. They may be out of sight but not out of mind.

Other demands. Motherhood has to fit in with all of the other challenges of marriage - a full time job or career, homemaking, cooking, family obligations, friendships, celebrations and traditions, community and church involvement, and financial pressures.

Despite all of this, something inside of a mother tells her that the children and family come first. "It has to be done." The bonds are too strong. The role is too ingrained. The responsibilities are real. There is no way to say "no."

Her life consists of giving, giving, giving. She is stretched thinner and thinner. She is being worn out. There is precious little time for herself. There is too little appreciation. Through the choices she makes in serving her family, there is precious little time for herself.

The reality of equality and partnership. Husbands can be active partners in sharing this load. Sometimes the feeling of partnership is lacking.

Assumptions a husband makes about his wife’s role may be based from a time when a mother's time was not as divided and pressured as it is now. The work of the home is compressed into fewer hours. Expectations of a mother doing everything doesn't square with reality.

Adding full-time work to a mother's responsibilities brings a dimension of life that is equivalent to his own job involvement, a fact that threatens his own need to have his career - and ego - be the focal point of family support.

How husbands can help. So what is the answer? Children are a source of pleasure. And even help. But training for that help takes work. Teaching children to assume responsibility and the work ethic takes a lot of effort.

Creating a family atmosphere of love, respect and cooperation takes work. Even at best, well-trained children aren't reliable at reducing a mother's load.

The burden falls on husbands to support their wives in their mothering responsibilities and other stresses of life. This is not just a Mother's Day checklist, but a checklist for the things husbands can do day in and day out.

1. Take care of yourself. Pick up after yourself. Clean up your own messes. The last thing your wife needs is another demanding or inconsiderate "child" to take care of.

2. Do your part. Together, define your role with household, discipline and childcare responsibilities and be dependable in discharging those duties. Anticipate needs and support her by doing extra things that lighten her load. Take the initiative and don't wait to be told every time what to do or how to help.

3. Be a good listener and be a source of emotional support. Don't get so wrapped up in your own life and goals that she gets ignored or shut out.

4. Don't be a critic and a judge. Be courteous and considerate. Make it safe for her to share feelings.

5. Be flexible. Adapt to changing circumstances and demands. Be a partner instead of a stumbling block in the problem-solving process.

6. Express appreciation. Recognize her efforts to make the home a place of comfort, refuge, development and love. The family work she does is the glue that makes life good. Bonds are formed through serving one another.

7. Encourage her growth and individuality. Support her work, her goals, her time to be away from children and the home, her time to be alone, and her right to have her own life and interests apart from you and the family.

8. Nurture your relationship. Time needs to be set aside for play, fun, and togetherness as a couple. Wives have strong expectations of quality time together, intimate conversation, affection and love. Time and commitment for the relationship are essential along with your help in nurturing the children If the marriage is strong, the challenges of motherhood are met through a team effort.