Meet Daddy's Little Princess - If You Don't Already Know Her

"It is currently very fashionable to write about men as the ones who fail in relationships, abuse women, ignore children, repress emotions and much, much more. No one is writing about the generic mistakes women commonly make." - a male reader.

Here it is men. The piece you’ve been waiting for. Cut it out. Show it to your wife. Frame it. For those of you who are divorced, file it next to your divorce papers.

Daddy’s Little Princess. Notice I didn’t say Daddy’s Little Girl." Daughters who have a positive, or even a special relationship with their fathers turn out to be pretty healthy adults. The give-and-take and limit setting relationship they enjoy with their fathers is a positive force in their development. Too many women grow up without a loving relationship with their fathers.

But a "Daddy’s Little Princess," on the other hand, is pampered and indulged without the emotional bond being a factor in their relationship. The is taken care of - by both parents. Her needs are met too well. Nobody teaches responsibility or giving back. Nobody says "no." She expects to be taken care of without much awareness of her need to give back. She is spoiled.

It is all about her. When Daddy’s Little Princess marries, she expects her husband to take care of her in the grand style to which she has been accustomed. She doesn’t see herself as being responsible for her own happiness. Prince Charming to supposed to do everything.

Daddy’s Little Princess expects to be treated like a queen and when she isn’t, there is hell to pay. Since it is highly likely that the man she married is less than perfect at meeting her needs, she feels cheated and abused. She often doesn’t see her role in nurturing the relationship, curbing her spending, making a home, or in meeting her own needs.

She tries to insure her happiness by demanding it. The incessant drumbeat of demands builds into a crescendo of criticism when those needs aren’t met.

Uses sex as a weapon. She has a another weapon to get what she wants. Sex. She is manipulative with sex. She controls the bed. When she is angry, which is most of the time, she serves up a big dish of ‘hot tongue" and "cold shoulder." And she feels entirely justified.

She is convinced that sex in man’s primary motivation. She doesn’t like being a sex object but sets herself up to be one - on her schedule. She gives a lot of double messages. Her husband has a hard time reading her. He can’t get it right in the bedroom either.

My reader suggests, "Women are more likely to have a ‘hidden agenda’ than men. While men are less emotional, they are somewhat more open about their goals. Lack of economic power often forces women into a passive -aggressive or devious role. They may call for communications with their man, all the while protecting their hidden agenda. Men commit crimes but women play games."

Retaliates when threatened. Ever try to get through to a woman like this? You won’t even get close. A husband’s attempt to discuss this dissatisfaction merely opens the door to another barrage of criticism about his mistakes. For her, a good defense is an attack-oriented offence. Tit for tat. His complaints serve as additional ammunition about his lack of love and understanding.

A lot of men find it easier to withdraw than try to face that kind of criticism. They are somewhat prepared to fight the saber-tooth tiger but cringe with dread at facing the fierce wrath of a of an angry woman.

Holds grudges. Don’t ever make a mistake. You’ll never hear the end of it. Daddy’s Little Princess can nurse and milk her growing resentments and pull them out whenever necessary. Which turns out to be quite often.

Her memory is keen. Exquisitely painful details of past offenses are recalled and seem powerfully relevant to the current discussion. Accusations begin with "you always" and "you never." Mysteriously her keen mind has forgotten any exceptions that may be contrary to her point.

Expects mind reading. Daddy’s Little Princess can jump from being crystal clear about her demands and dissatisfactions to being vague, hurt and wounded by something her husband forgot to do. She has a romantic notion that her husband, if he truly loves her, should "know" her needs and meet them automatically.

She can find evidence everywhere that he doesn’t care for her by the things he doesn’t do. If a man isn’t in trouble for doing something wrong, he will be is trouble for not doing something right.

Plays the martyr. Instead of trying to resolve disputes in a straight forward fashion, she gives up. She feels entirely justified in the rightness of her complaints, but doesn’t do anything about them.

She suffers in silence. Oh but her suffering does not go unnoticed. She offers her misery as a visible example of the indignities she has to suffer. Her cross is indeed heavy and body language tells the world how heavy. It is her way of getting even.

Of course, I’ve learned all these things from second hand sources. Please tell that to my wife when you see her.

For those who are looking for equal treatment, go to www.valfarmer.com and download a sample column, "Don’t Marry a Mamma’s Boy."