Love Is A Banquet With Many Courses

This banquet has several courses. Each course is an important part of the meal. It takes practice to do it right. You need the best ingredients. The service is exquisite. The table is set with love, beauty and order.

Ingredients: A man and a woman - each strong, each courageous, each honest, each a well defined, independent personality, each with their own lofty goals and aspirations. They are matched intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. The selection of ingredients is a most serious enterprise. The success of the banquet depends on the initial chemistry of well-chosen ingredients.

The appetizer: Romance. This is the magic that brings the lovers together. The spark may be physical attraction, sense of humor, easy conversation, shared values, or common interests.

In takes patience to get to know someone. Love evolves as they each grow in awe of the other's gifts, talents, qualities, and values. Admiration and respect melt the heart and create the anticipation of something even better and more wonderful to follow. Affection is not given freely until hearts have been won and commitments made. Winning a heart takes time.

First course: Commitment. This banquet can only be served in all its magnificence when full commitment is given. Anything less will seem like fast food. Love can't unfold without confidence and vulnerability. There are problems to solve, faults to be overcome, differences to be tolerated and mistakes to be forgiven.

Love won't grow unless there is safety for growth and change, for honesty and individuality. Commitment and trust allow love to grow in spite of differences.

Commitment means being loyal and faithful to your loved one. There are parts of your life that will only be shared with your loved one. Care is taken to prevent other loyalties or affections from taking your loved one from his or her rightful place in your heart.

Second course: Acceptance. Only the best of feelings will make this banquet special. Avoid angry outbursts and be respectful of your judgments of each other. Keeping hostility, criticism and negativity to a minimum maintains good feelings.

Out of love and respect, you choose not to retaliate or respond in kind when your loved one is out of sorts. You might be justified but the cost to the relationship is not worth it. You or your partner can be foolish, wrong or difficult and be loved anyway. Be quick to apologize and even quicker to forgive.

Each is imperfect. There will always be differences, sometimes painfully so. You each need a friend who keeps confidences, gives another chance and overlooks errors.

Third course: Communications. There are times for loving confrontation, undertaken with great consideration and respect. The language used should be soft and gentle, yet firm and resolute. Truth needs to be spoken, problems solved, differences worked out. Speak politely and gently. Give your partner's opinions respect

and consideration.

Listen with your heart. Listen to understand. Suspend your own opinions, judgments, arguments and solutions so you can hear what the other is saying. Listening is a way of caring, a powerful way of showing love.

Share intimate thoughts and feelings - the joys and struggles of the heart. Listen to the soul’s cry when hardship, hurt or loss crosses its path.

Main course: Love. Dare to love. Be the first to love. Love creates love. Put your loved one ahead of yourself. Consistently. Daily. Serve and help one another. Be kind. Make life less difficult for each other.

This happens with daily acts of love and consideration, soothing and comforting, encouragement and appreciation, smiles and warm words, kindness and thoughtfulness, sharing and giving. Needs are seen, anticipated and met - sometimes before needs are expressed. Love needs to be expressed in surprising ways and at unexpected times, on special days and occasions.

Cherishing your loved one takes a commitment of time. Loving couples spend time together. They enjoy one another’s company. They are playful, laugh and have fun together. This meal tastes best when it is shared. Make wonderful memories.

Love means planning and working for a better future. Working together for common goals and priorities creates a union. Love means being involved with each other's work and activities. Family goals, children, material comforts and vacations are opportunities to come together in a special way. The same can be said for sharing spiritual beliefs and practices.

Children and the grandchildren enlarge your capacity to love. This love is not for you alone but extends outward from family to friends and strangers along the way.

Desert: Romance and passion. Thoughtful surprises, gifts and remembrances are pleasant ways to make your loved one feel cherished and special. The extra effort is well worth the price.

Non-sexual affection, hugs and touches are freely exchanged. Great moments of sexual passion and desire occur in a context of daily love and consideration. Coming together to enjoy physical intimacy is a fitting description for the desert in a satisfying banquet.

Enjoy the banquet. It is well worth the work and sacrifice you put into it.