How Does Love Blossom And Grow?

What is love? Is it a feeling? Is it behavior? Do we choose to love or is it something that happens to us?

The pathway of love. Love is an effortful commitment to a loved one’s well being and growth. Love is something we can choose or learn to do. Let's trace the path of love and see how it grows in the course of a relationship.

1. Romance. First take a man and a woman - each strong, each courageous, each with their own defined personalities, each independent, each with their own set of goals and aspirations - and set them in each other's path.

Sexual attraction is a part of the journey of mutual discovery. Then comes fun, easy conversation, friendship, and mutual interests. Those exhilarating days of the first bloom of romance are heady indeed, but there is so much more to follow. Memories of the romance are reminders that the initial chemistry was good.

The couple share goals and dreams. They share their journey of faith and hope. They share intimate thoughts and feelings, secret joys and daunting struggles. The more they share, the safer it feels. This takes vulnerability. This romantic attraction, appreciation, admiration, respect, and awe of each other's qualities are the building blocks of love.

2. Commitment. Love won't unfold and grow without confidence to be one’s self and willingness to disclose who you are and what you care about. This is a time for taking risks, sharing thoughts and feelings, acknowledging weaknesses, negotiating differences and forgiving mistakes. Friendship grows.

But friendship won't grow unless there is safety for growth and change, for honesty and individuality. Commitment releases opportunity to explore the full range of love. This takes trust. Trust is the foundation that makes love possible.

Each partner is willing to pay the price to forsake all others and commit oneself solely and exclusively to his or her new love. Each has confidence in their choice and cement that choice with a covenant to be faithful to one another under all circumstances.

The loved one is a genuine friend. A friend is someone who respects confidences, believes the best, shows patience, gives encouragement, and remains loyal when missteps and mistakes cause hurt and adversity. This takes honor. There are times when honoring one’s vows is the unbreakable thread that holds a couple together.

3. Acceptance. Despite the first blush of love and attraction, they are still different - sometimes frighteningly, painfully and surprisingly so. Each has weaknesses. Recognizing their own faults, they are quick to ask for forgiveness and give forgiveness when asked.

Each finds in the other acceptance, understanding and patience. One can be foolish, wrong, difficult or out of sorts and still be loved.

In some ways they are too different. The couple learns to accommodate each other. They choose not to

fight when it would be easy to do so. They strive to shield their relationship from unnecessary conflict and criticism.

This couple accepts each other’s differences and individuality. Some things will never change. Both are imperfect. Out of love they learn to live with uncomfortable differences. This takes tolerance.

4. Sacrifice and devotion. The couple go out of their way for one another. They dare to love. Love creates love. They find ways of making life less difficult for each other. They pay attention to what his or her partner wants or needs. They go the second mile, or third or fourth if they have to. They are courteous and considerate. They express appreciation.

Love is expressed in their daily actions. They do nice things for one another. They set aside their own needs and wants. They choose to love when they don't feel like loving. This takes an unselfish heart.

They serve one another. They spend time together. They enjoy each other's company. They know how to play and have fun together. They are affectionate and enjoy both sexual and non-sexual touch.

They surprise each other with thoughtful gestures and expressions of love. They invest themselves in the relationship. This takes effort.

5. Communications. Having strong commitments, generosity, respect, and accepting differences aren’t enough. The couple needs to communicate and solve problems together. It takes great concentration and selflessness to be a good listener.

Each partner has to suspend their own opinion, judgment, agenda and interests so he or she can really understand what his or her partner is saying. This takes discipline.

Each tries to understand his or her partner before responding. True listening is a manifestation of love - recognition that what he or she has to say is important.

There are times, when motivated by loving concern, confrontation is necessary. It is a step taken reluctantly. Each partner moderates his or her tongue and temper to soften opinions and the message. Concerns are broached with great tentativeness and respect for his or her partner's well-being. This also takes discipline.

Each partner dares to speak the truth and share the wisdom he or she has, even though it may not be well received. At times, out of love it is necessary to be a gentle, loving critic. This takes honesty and courage.

What is love? Love is an effortful commitment to a loved one's well being and growth. Love is something we can choose or learn to do. It takes vulnerability, trust, honor, tolerance, an unselfish heart, effort, discipline, honesty and courage.