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Dr. Val Farmer | ||
| Rural Mental Health & Family Relationships | |||
10. DivorceLoginArticlesSix Reasons Why Marriages Fail (October 1998)
One "headline" speaker at a "Smart marriages-Happy marriages" conference I attended in Washington, D.C. this summer was psychologist John Gottman. He spoke about his Marriage Lab research program at the University of Washington. His lab found that we can almost predict divorce if there is: 1. Too much conflict. If there are too many negative interactions as compared to the number of positive interactions divorce is near. Examples of negative interactio ... Readers Respond To Column On Unhappy Marriages (April 1998)
Wife abusive: I read your weekly column, "With Empty Nest, Another Bird Flies Away." I lived a 40-year marriage quite differently. I married a farm girl. Three months after the altar ceremony I became a S.O.B. Her verbal outbursts continued. I begged her to go to her Pastor for counseling but it was, "You go, you're the one that needs it." Losing patience, I started threatening, "When I have met my obligation to my family, this partnership will be d ... Ten Surefire Ways To Louse Up A Perfect Marriage (January 1997)
What’s that you say - not enough trouble in your life? Are you looking for big time marital problems? You’ve come to the right place. Here are ten tried and true ways, tested by many couples, for creating exquisite pain and unhappiness When Does Marital Counseling Help? (January 1996)
As a marriage counselor, what do I look for to indicate whether counseling will be successful? Here are some observations I've made over the years. When a spouse comes alone. Some couples prefer to see the counse How Marriages Die - And Come Back To Life (August 1995)
How is it that well intentioned couples like Ted and Alice get divorced? We aren't talking about a teen marriage, a precipitous courtship or a marriages forced by pregnancy. Nor are we talking about a marriage with a spouse that has a character When Solving Problems: Pay Attention (February 1995)
After two or three marriage counseling sessions I can tell how much real change can occur in a relationship. The cues don't relate to the couple's problems, but to the feelings generated when they talk to each other. I notice their att Blindsided By Divorce (September 1999)
This article describes common reasons why a marriage partner's desire for a divorce or separation is met with surprise and disbelief though many warning signs were apparant beforehand. The most common pattern is that one partner tries repeatedly to get needed changes over a long period of time, is rebuffed and finally gives up. He or she goes underground with their feelings for a time and then reemerges with his or her mind made up. Dr. Farmer recommends couples seek counseling early in their marriage while both still are motivated and have feelings for each other. A Divorce Woke Him Up (March 2001)
This article describes how some men and women make superficial changes and promises up until the point of separation and divorce. When faced with the real possibility of losing their spouse, they have a change of heart and promise real changes. At this point, many times their spouse has given up on the marriage and isn't open-minded or trusting enough to give another chance. These ex-spouses are for real and go on to have successful second marriages based on the changes they make. This is also a reminder for divorcing spouses that sometimes the changes they want may be real. It is a terrible spot to be in - trying to sort out whether to be a sucker one more time when all hope and emotion have been drained out of the marriage. |
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