Dr. Val Farmer
Rural Mental Health & Family Relationships

Heartwarming Appreciation And Comments

June 3, 2002

These are heartwarming letters and e-mails I have recently received from readers.

Communication. "My husband and I have been married for over 41 years. I never could get him to see a counselor over the years and so one gets through things somehow. He reads your column faithfully and I find that he is trying. After 41 years you would think we would know something¼. Ha. Ha. It is always work I guess. He had the article on treating your relationship as you would china laminated. I enjoy them also."

Old Flames. "Talk about hitting the nail on the head. My husband’s girlfriend from 30 years ago contacted him this summer and we are now in the process of a divorce. My husband is willing to throw away 24 years of marriage just to be with her. I'm not sure I will ever get over the pain this has caused. I am trying to move on with my life but it is extremely hard. Thank you for the article, it reassured me that it wasn't all my fault." - e-mail

"I just wanted to thank you for your article posted on the Internet. I have corresponded with an ‘old flame’ - my first love, for about 9 months. We are both married and I kept making excuses to myself to continue writing. It seems that I considered myself above it all. I foolishly thought of it as a friendship. Fortunately we are separated by a great distance.

"Your article put me over the top. I wrote her today and ended our contact. I sent her a copy of your article to see where I was coming from. How true what you said, ‘there is power there you don't understand.’ Thank you for your powerful words. I will honor the people who love me and depend on me and not put my marriage or hers in jeopardy. From someone who should have known better." - e-mail

Bonding and religion. "I agree with your points. I recall an old Roy Rogers radio program that signed off saying ‘Don't send your children to church. Take them’¼ Needless to say our kids quoted that to us when we were tempted to lie in bed on Sunday mornings. Practically all of them got 100% attendance certificates. Now, the results:

One is agnostic. One sends us literature from the atheistic society. One is president of a Lutheran congregation. One is an officer in our national church hierarchy and one is basically a Unitarian. We, as parents, still feel guilty missing a Sunday service.

That sounds like a .500 batting average. Perhaps, if we had not gone to church, the average would be less. You know that parents feel pride in their kids but they also say, ‘What did we do wrong?' for those who didn't follow in our footsteps. What did we do wrong? There is a danger in your advice. Guilt!" - e-mail

Diabetes. "Dr. Farmer: Thanks so much for writing the excellent article regarding Type 2 Diabetes. The key points you covered are the basic foundation for diabetes education, and I am hoping all my patients will read your story. Keep up the good work." - a Diabetic educator

Television. "I agree completely with your views on the degradation of the TV viewing for, not only children but adults as well. About a year ago I read about the Parents Television Council (PTC) and have been supporting their cause.

"My children are grown and have children of their own so I fear for this generation and the ones to come because of the immoral programs offered. I hope your article reaches countless people and parent will continue to take a firm stand. I enjoy your column so much. You are doing a wonderful work keeping the public on the ‘straight and narrow.’ God bless you in your work." Reader from Illinois.

Stress. "Your news columns are the best! Today it was outstanding - helpful, not only to stressed out farmers, but to a stressed out person! I look for your article every week-end and save many of them. Keep up the good work! You are a real blessing to many people." - from North Dakota

Farming and divorce. "While I am and have been committed to my marriage and my children, I have often thought that if anything can destroy my marriage, it would be farming. When I am not working, I spend the majority of my time at home alone with our children; my husband's main priority is the farm. Although I know he loves us, he just can't seem to get past this¼

"My husband rarely has time to do anything at our own home or with us, so things get pretty neglected here¼. I was blaming myself for a while, and even tried to be extra supportive of the farm operation, only to find that the more supportive I was, the more time my husband thought he could spend there. Any time I bring up a need for a change in our lives, it is a disaster¼

"I basically just wanted to tell you that your columns really make a difference to people...I have thought that I was the only one feeling the way I do, now I know that I am not. This is not the only time that I have found a message or some kind of validation from what you have written, and I thank you for that. Keep up the good work! I'll be reading." - e-mail