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Dr. Val FarmerDr.Val | ||
Rural Mental Health & Family Relationships | |||
Supper's On! Family Meals Help TeenagersSeptember 22, 1997 One casualty of modern life has been the demise of family meals. Why? Mothers are working. Schedules are harried and often don't match. Workdays are longer. The microwave is easy. Fast foods are available. Children's after school activities cut into the late afternoon. Constantly hungry teenagers eat when theyre hungry. So is this any big deal? Yes, according to psychologists Blake Bowden of the Cincinnati Center for Developmental Disorders and Jennie Zeisz of DePaul University. In a study of 537 rural and semi-rural teens age 12-18 in northeastern Ohio, they found that "adjusted" teens had sit-down family meals an average of 5.4 days per week. "Non-adjusted" youth had family meals an average of 3.3 days per week. Bowden and Zeisz used four factors to classify teens into "adjusted" and "non-adjusted" categories: 1) academic motivation, 2) use or non-use of substances, 3) positive or negative peer group influence, and 4) self reports of positive mood and hopefulness versus depression and defeat. The number of days per week when family meals are served accurately predicted which teens would be adjusted or maladjusted 75 percent of the time. Hold on to your hats folks. Bowden and Zeisz found that family meals were a more powerful predictor of adjustment than whether a teen was a member of traditional married two-parent family or a non-traditional family arrangement. Now that is interesting! Bowden and Zeisz cite previous research that showed that intergenerational alcoholism was highly correlated with fewer family mealtimes. Another study showed that students who did better in elementary school had more at-home meals with family members. Why is a family meal so important? By itself, the family meal may not be that important. It may be another example of good parenting and fit an overall pattern of commitment, organization and nurturing. It is a visible manifestation of other things the family is doing well.
Food is very important to our teen-age son. He depends on us for easy food access and preparation. His need for food - and lots of it - brings him to our table where we try to connect on other levels. Even with his desire for autonomy, he chooses not to pull too far away from the providers of his food.
Personally, I seldom hear my children or many other teenagers spontaneously talk about the significant milestones in their lives at family meals. At certain ages, talking about their lives with parents is not their long suit. If anybody is verbalizing a narrative, it is probably a parent. I suppose, in some subtle way, a family meal is a part of family identity which in turn helps form personal identity. Whatever is going on, it doesn't happen at just one meal. That's why a pattern of family meals is important.
Constant quibbling at mealtime about manners and eating or confrontation on other matters spoils what could be a pleasant occasion. Many mothers are dismayed when their meal is ruined by unpleasantness at the dinner table. In fact, constant conflict at family meals may actually be a detriment to family life. Conflict at mealtime probably is part of a larger pattern of family conflict that needs to be addressed away from the table. Do you want an island of family belonging and serenity in the midst of a busy and stressful world, or better adjusted teenagers? Family meals could be your meal ticket to success. |
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