What Makes Men Unique?

Are you tired of reading about men being accused of vaunting dominance and a sense of superiority over women? Do you wonder if a man can be a man without being accused of being self-serving, egotistical or uncaring?

Do you want to read a column about men and their contributions to society - a column about men as heroes, a column about what men do right? Are there words of praise for men who do their duty, work hard, contribute to others, and love their families? Here is that column. Clip it and save it. There aren't too many around.

Male roles. In his book, "Manhood in the Making: Cultural Concepts of Masculinity," anthropologist David D. Gilmore examines what it means to be a man in different cultures. He found three factors that encompass a core concept of masculinity: procreator, provider and protector.

The most masculine codes of conduct are found in cultures where economics are harsh and there is danger from intruders and predators. Also, highly defined masculinity exists in cultures where there is inequality and competition. In the U.S., Gilmore places cowboys and the frontier folklore at one end of the spectrum of masculinity while modern urban Americans are in the middle.

In America, definitions of masculinity are bound up in definitions of work. Gilmore states, "Work defines manhood, but not just work as energy spent but as labor that supports life, constructive labor." Competition and ever-climbing productivity makes manhood an uncertain proposition in a culture that expects worldly accomplishment and material success.

Gilmore sees sexual codes of conduct as attempts by cultures to perpetuate themselves. They do this by supporting the family unit - a place where children are socialized, taught values and meanings that help them develop individually and contribute to the well-being of the group.

Traditionally, there has been a sexual division of labor. Men have been involved with production and defense while women concerned themselves with child-rearing and domestic service. Both sexes were expected to sacrifice and contribute to the social order.

A woman gave love with her body, with her milk, with her service. It was visible, direct and immediate. Men also nurtured by bringing home food for the mother and child, by protecting them and by helping build the community. The man's contribution was less direct, less visible and less immediate but nonetheless a nurturing role.

What must a man do in his roles of procreator, provider and protector?

- To love, a man has to be aggressive to court and win a wife. He must risk rejection and gamble in the game of love. He commits himself loyally to his wife and children. He works to provide and serve his family. He gives more than he takes. He produces more than he consumes. He is helpful and considerate to those who depend on him.

- A man takes responsibility for work. He is practical, competent, and aggressively works toward goals. His productivity provides benefits beyond the family. He takes charge, strives and keeps on striving. A man's work carries its own set of obligations, among which is loyalty to self. He is a hard worker, a producer, a builder, and a creator.

- A man takes risks. He takes courageous action in the face of danger or death. He fights even when the odds are against him. He acts on moral vision. He is tough and hardy. He is expected to bear up under hardship impassively.

- A man protects his family, community and nation. He is tough enough to confront problems and enemies. He faces his fears. He is self-assured in dealing with other men. He is loyal to a cause. He defends boundaries.

Ways a man can lose.

- A man can lose by being inept, selfish, lazy, passive, weak - a complainer, a clinger, a recluse, a failure, a nothing.

- A man can lose by being provisioned and dominated by a woman. A man has to count for something. His self-perception and self-esteem depend on performing his male role with dignity.

- A man can lose by running away. Men are expected to seek out and confront danger as a means of showing valor. The way a man deals with danger or takes risks affects his reputation and his self-esteem.

A code of manhood helps men learn the loyalty, hardiness and self-discipline necessary to perform self-sacrificing behavior. Otherwise, it would be easy to be lazy, to retreat to a mother's side, to hide from danger, to escape reality, to give up, to stay a boy, to be taken care of and to run from demands.

Men are needed. Society needs men. It needs brave and courageous men who understand and accept their role to work, contribute and support their family. A man has to earn his respect and status as a man. He has to be worthy of it. Manhood is not a biological given. It is an achieved state. Real men are made, not born.

David D. Gilmore said, "So long as there are battles to be fought, wars to be won, heights to be scaled, hard work to be done, some of us will have to 'act like men.'"