Moving Is An Ordeal Worth Doing

We made a major move to Missouri after nine years in Fargo and 31 years in the Dakotas. In reflecting on the move, here are some thoughts about the "Adventure in Moving".

Reasons why moving is one of life’s bigger challenges.

- Saying goodbye. Leaving dear friends, relatives, business colleagues and sentimental places is painful. Saying goodbye is hard. Part of your identity is connected to this place you know and love.

Giving up the convenience and efficiency of your life pattern is hard. Why cut yourself loose to flounder and struggle with making a new life somewhere else? It's like starting from scratch when the mature, stable self doesn't want to deal with that much stress again - ever.

Children are secure in their own worlds and won't like the idea. A high school student will object in ways that only a teenager can and still lay claim to being almost civilized. Adult children will experience loss as you eliminate their reasons to go back "home." A dog will take it personally.

- Selling a house. When you're getting your home ready for sale you do all the nice things for the new owner you never did for yourself. Repairs. New paint everywhere. New carpets. Little things. Big things. Expensive things. Lots of work!

Not all potential buyers will love your home. If fact, just a few will even be intrigued. Most will reject the place you've lived and loved for seemingly no reason at all. This is "thick skin" time. Every realtor's card offers hope. The more cards the better, even if these hopes are quickly and routinely dashed.

The psychology of making offers and counteroffers has its own roller-coaster anxieties, no matter which side of the deal you are on. Putting your house on the market the day the housing market comes to a screeching halt doesn’t help.

- Moving is hard work. Finding, packing, handling and moving boxes is a lot of work. Double that for items that don't fit into boxes. The same can be said for camping out among boxes, unpacking the boxes, finding a place for each item unpacked and then changing your mind a few times. Triple the hassle for big pieces of furniture. Taking apart and reassembling computers and accessories is not a recreational companionship.

If you are moving yourselves, having a crew of helpers on both ends of the move is truly a blessing. It seems like angels are lifting those heavy pieces of furniture.

Reasons why moving is a good idea.

- Change is good. Ruts have grow deep. Moving brings growth and needed experiences. There are new places to go, new things to see, new people to meet, new things to try, new things to learn.

- Children learn to adapt. Children are resilient and adapt much easier than adults. They need a few new friends and they are off and running. Research has shown that a "few" moves during childhood are good for the social development of children and makes them more flexible and resilient for coping with challenges in the future.

The parents' well-being and happiness come first. If moving means they are being smart about their lives, then the happiness of children will fall into place.

- Moving is good exercise. It doesn’t seem to end until the boxes are unpacked and everything is in the right place. Moving is also great mental exercise. There are tons of decisions to make and things to remember.

- Downsizing is good for the soul. There are plenty of times to agonize over the meaning of "things" and their importance. You get rid of a ton of junk that has built up over the years. It is a chance to simplify and to live more simply. It is a delight to see things sold or given away and even to watch the house "burp" or extrude unnecessary items to be carried away as garbage.

- The opportunity for new friendships. Some will be real lifesavers in helping you get a new start. Before long you will be surrounded by people who care about you and will be your friends.

As time passes, you shed yourselves down to the most essential family relationships and lifelong friends who continue to support your journey in life, no matter where you are. It is OK. You lean on each other, help each other, and find pleasure in each other’s company.

Moving can be a good thing. As much as you hate to admit it, moving may make sense. Circumstances makes moving a desirable choice, even when you factor in the emotional and physical toll it takes.

Moving is painful medicine. It is good for you. But don't do it too often if you can help it. Right now we are saying "Never again." That, of course, is subject to change.