Workaholics Are Lazy People

A woman wrote: "Work, work, work and don't spend any money. That's all we've done during our married life. Work always comes first. Everything is me, me, me, and he can justify his every action. I'm being ignored. Our kids are being ignored. I'm getting tired of it. And the worst of it is that he doesn't even think it is a problem. How do I get through to him?"

She is frustrated by the lack of importance her workaholic husband places on relationships. Precious little time is set aside for their marriage, family life or having fun. Important needs are not being met. What is all that hard work for if it doesn't contribute to everyone's happiness?

How is being a workaholic different from being a dedicated worker, an achiever and a striver? Is it a virtue or vice? Is it commitment to success or a self-destructive lifestyle? Is it devotion or addiction? How can we tell the difference between the positive role of work in a person's life and work addiction?

Motivations. A workaholic justifies the amount of effort he or she puts into work as income, career, or providing for future security while ignoring the unhappiness this is being created. Though they may deny it, workaholism is more about personal need to prove oneself than it is about being a good provider.

A workaholic overvalues work at the expense of their mate, children, health, spiritual outlook and other interests. Workaholics don't know how to quit. Relationships are secondary. Immersion into work masks a subtle unhappiness and mild depression. A workaholic may be successful but not happy.

Despite a track record of accomplishment, a workaholic has chronic low self-esteem and insecurity. He or she is dependent on rewards and accomplishments to cover up negative and insecure feelings. Like other forms of addiction, work serves as a type of medication to relieve inner pain and emptiness. It feels good as long as the workaholic is busy.

Other characteristics include an inability to relax, emotional intensity, suppression of feelings and perfectionism. He or she tends to be self-centered, competitive and unable to experience pleasure. The workaholic races against time.

Important differences. The difference between a workaholic and a hard worker lies in how much attention is paid to other important human values. A hard worker can be creative and devoted to work and still have friendships, intimacy, spiritual awareness, leisure, and outside interests. On the other hand, a workaholic obviously and perhaps unconsciously neglects these activities that enrich the human spirit. His or her personality progressively narrows and deadens.

A hard worker takes breathers, enjoys downtime and can relax. A hard worker can detach from their work and attend to other things with inner peace. A workaholic feels torn and anxious.

Laziness. In many important ways, workaholics are lazy people. They are lazy when it comes to meeting responsibilities of marriage, parenthood, personal development, and social and community participation. All their eggs are in one basket - achievement. In the end, achievement rings hollow if it is not balanced by other human values. Life is best lived in balance.

By overemphasizing one aspect of life, workaholics are guilty of neglect. In the big scheme of things they are being lazy, lazy, lazy. I use that word deliberately to break through the thinking process with a word workaholics fear and understand. If changes are made, a workaholic enters a new world - a world of peace, pleasure and relaxation.

Advice for workaholics. The problem isn't getting more done in less time. Rather, the challenge is to loosen up your schedule a bit so that important personal and family needs are met.

This goes against our "do everything", "have everything", "get everything done" culture. To be free from the tyranny of the clock, reign in your ambitions and narrow your focus to those dreams and goals that really matter.

It also means coming to terms with finding meaning in life, accepting that life is fleeting and time is finite - that death is inevitable and that there isn't time for everything.

Other dimensions of life come into play - time for reflection, time for meeting personal needs, time for play, time for intimacy, time for relaxation, time for incubation of new ideas, time for rest, time to be present, time to appreciate the moment, time to be compassionate; time for those in need, time to be a friend.

The object isn't to drop out but to put on the brakes, to decelerate, to say no when no needs to be said, to plan life instead of time, to live with a satisfying tempo, to live a life with purpose and balance.

If you do, you will...

- discover the joy and beauty of intimate relationships.

- learn how to love and give of yourself.

- become more creative. Concentration will improve. The result of work will be better.

- give up the burden of having to know everything, do everything, and not make any mistakes to feel good about oneself nor prove yourself through work.

- have something in common with your partner when the children leave home.

- stop looking at others as competitors and truly accept them.

- contribute to the community.

- learn to enjoy life.

- be a better person.

- learn how wonderful life can be.

- And you won't be lazy!