Helping Children Care About Others

"The covetous person lives as if the world were made altogether for him, and not he for the world; to take in everything and part with nothing." - Robert South

Would you like your children to be warm, empathetic, generous adults someday? Would you like some teamwork, caring and cooperation in the family? How do you do that in a culture that incessantly promotes wealth, fame and competition as hallmarks of success?

Children are self-centered enough by nature. The job of helping them fit in as a member of society is hard enough. If parents are fortunate enough to have comfortably secure financial lives, they are tempted to give advantages and experiences that have the unintended consequence of creating greed in their children's lives. They shoot themselves in the foot by doing too much for their kids.

Despite having provided tremendous material benefits, their children grow up feeling poor in the midst of plenty - like a person in water up to their chin and still thirsty. They want more and more. There is greed in their eyes. They have no concept of living without or scraping by and still being happy. They are not prepared for a lifestyle different from their parents.

Here are some guidelines for raising children to understand the blessings in their lives and to appreciate what they have regardless of the income of their parents.

1. Example. Parents can set a good example of living within a budget that has the basics covered without the push to acquire more and more extravagant "needs" and experiences. Parents can also show by example how to be generous with their time and means in helping causes and people less fortunate than themselves.

2. Work. Children need to do regular work in the family as a part of being in the family. Work brings happiness, self-esteem and a sense of accomplishment that can come in no other way.

The expectations around the work should be high and consistent. Children learn responsibility in the home. This responsibility could include watching out for the welfare of younger siblings and taking care of pets.

3. Value of money. Children can be given opportunities to work, earn money and purchase the special things they want with their own money. The disposable income they have should be in line with other teenagers.

Teenagers don't need new cars, the finest clothes or the latest "toys" of society. They can excel by hard work and not by appearances. If they pay for their extras themselves, they may make the connection between their own work and rewards they get from it. In that way they learn the value of money and how hard people have to work in society to meet their needs.

Excessive rewards in life, not tied to their work, will promote feelings of entitlement and privilege. They have high expectations of life and are not prepared for hardship or making ends meet.

The same could be said for experiences and entertainment. Elaborate dates, dining out and expensive larks can lead youth to wonder what else is there to do when they have done it all. It is a recipe for boredom and trouble when they finally reach young adulthood.

Collecting can encourage an obsessive attitude about having the best and the most. Collections can add to the enjoyment of life if they are handled lightly and fade as interests change. This will keep greed in check.

4. Sacrifice. Children can spend their own money for gifts for their parents, siblings and friends. It will mean more if they have earned the money for the gift themselves. Allowances and work opportunities should be sufficient to allow some of their savings to be spent in this way.

The growing times in our family have been when the children sacrificed something for the family. When we work together and all pitch in for something special, it creates special bonds. If children learn to give in the family, they will have learned an important lesson in life.

5. Friendships. Childhood friendships are often the proving ground for learning basic morality of give and take, fairness, sharing, loyalty and reciprocity. If left on their own, childhood friendships teach that meeting the needs of others is important if friendships are to be maintained. Parents can facilitate healthy friendships so that these important lessons are learned with friends with high standards.

6. Respect and tolerance. Children can be taught not to put down or make fun of those different from themselves - starting with their siblings. Too much of the humor of youth has to do with establishing their own self-esteem at the expense of tearing someone else down.

Youths need opportunities to serve the less fortunate and to meet and interact with young people from different backgrounds. Other cultures have much to teach about love, generosity and sharing. Belonging to an organized church and youth service groups provides opportunities for young people to experience the joy of contributing to others.

7. Spiritual understanding. Religion teaches the importance of love and service to others. It provides the framework of faith and belief for why it is important to love others. When children have love of others as a guiding principle of faith, this will school their awareness and desire to meet the needs of others.