Mother Compares Grief To A Football Game

This essay of grief was sent to me by Vange Anderson of Solway, Minnesota.

What on earth do grief and football have in common?

Shortly after losing our precious Amy in an automobile accident, the Lord gave me a vision of what my grief was like.

The new field of play. It was a very dark image, with only one light shining down on it. It gave just enough light for me to see that I was on the one yard line of a football field full of muck. Common sense told me to back up and get off that horrible field, but I couldn't. To do so would mean that awful accident had never happened. As much as I wanted to undo it, it was impossible.

There I was by the goal post - all alone. I wondered why because others were certainly affected by our daughter's death. I believe it was because we all handle our grief differently. No one else can truly feel what we're feeling. In that sense, we're alone. But was I?

The coach. To my left I saw a ghostlike figure of a man whom I recognized as the Holy Spirit. He was my coach and my guide. He understood what I was dealing with. If I turned my eyes away from Him and started feeling sorry for myself, He had to stop leading me and turn around and minister to me as I got stuck in the muck.

The fans. Gradually I became aware of a dim light coming from the bleachers. It grew brighter as I gazed that way. The people standing up and cheering became clearer. They were shouting cheers in the form of prayers for my well-being. "Give her some strength, Lord!" "Hold her in your arms and comfort her!" "Help her take that next step!"

What was amazing to me was as they shouted their words of encouragement, whatever they prayed for was released to me. Without them I didn't have the stamina nor the strength to carry on. Those prayer warriors were faithful. I could actually feel the prayers surrounding me.

First downs. First downs were celebrated from time to time. I wrote about my daughter - first down! My husband and I reconnected as we took a class together - first down! For awhile I thought, "Big deal... what do I win with all this effort but the right to get up and do it all over again." I decided, however, that it was better to get up and do it again than to sit down and sink in the muck.

Tackling. Tackling occurred more often than I liked. Many times I was blind sided by a tackle and overcome with grief again. Perhaps that tackle took the form of seeing something my daughter would have enjoyed, or hearing one of her favorite songs. Those tackles threw me for a loss and I had to fight my way back to where I had been. As a tackle, I would tackle the next thing on my agenda. Maybe it was as simple as getting up in the morning, but it required effort on my part to tackle the problem.

From time to time I was a receiver. I'd catch a forward pass from another player who gave me special understanding as we talked.

Touchdowns. Are there ever touchdowns? For a long time, I didn't think so. I figured I'd never score a touchdown until I was reunited with my daughter in heaven. I'd just be making first downs for the rest of my life.

I was wrong. It usually takes many, many first downs before you cross that goal line, but it can be done. The only touchdown that I've made came 5 years after the initial kickoff (the accident). Finally, finally I entered my new sense of "normal".

Granted, I want my old "normal" back. I will always, always miss my Amy; and in some ways I'll be on that football field for the rest of my life. If that were not so, Amy would be here.

Possession of the ball. At first I didn't think I had the ball. I was so numb. How could I possibly hold a ball too? But I did have the ball. I had it because I had the power to decide what I was going to do. I didn't have to be a victim who could do absolutely nothing.

Gear. A good football player wears gear to protect himself during a game. I needed to put on the full armor of God to be able to stand my ground. The shield of faith was especially helpful.

"In all things give thanks." I tried to find something to be thankful for. I'm glad God's helping me through this. I'm thankful for prayer support. I'm thankful for spiritual food that gives me the inner strength to handle this as well as I am.

Time outs. I'm thankful for time outs! I find it very difficult to attend church on Mother's Day. On that day, I take a time out from attending church. Usually I'll go the night before, but not on Mother's Day - it's just too hard. I'm Amy's mother, and her grave is several yards away from the church. Too painful. Time outs serve a useful purpose.

When it's your turn to struggle, I pray you won’t get stuck in the muck.