Survival Tips For Rural Living

Life certainly is complicated. We are getting worn out. There is more than enough work on this farm for two families, but income for just one. We can't even afford a hired man. My husband is overworked. I'm expected to drop everything and help him out when things really get out of kilter.

"As if farming is not enough, we are expected to do everything and be at everything in the community. I'm being run ragged. My children are being run ragged. Talk about stress! I've got so many balls in the air, I can't count them all. What can I do to help get our lives back under control?" - Comments of a rural woman.

Survival tip #I -Accept yourself: "I am what I am, and I'm working to be better." Don't compare yourself to others. If you look hard enough, there will always be somebody better. Who cares? You are unique. They are unique. Everyone has value. You also have limitations. So do they.

Don’t try to be perfect. What you are able to do is good enough. Who you are is good enough.

If you are doing things to impress or to gain others' approval, you are vulnerable. If you care too much about others' approval, you've handed them your freedom. You will live defensively.

Survival tip #2 -Disarm your critics: The rural community can be judgmental. Instead of working to keep an image in the community, be quick to acknowledge your mistakes and weaknesses.

The longer it takes for you to admit a mistake, the more time people will spend talking about it. Apologize and start over. Accept responsibility openly. Let people know what you are doing to correct problems. When you do this, the public's interest in the matter will drop off.

Laugh and poke fun at yourself. Be playful. Don't take yourself too seriously. Tell stories on yourself. People will have a hard time laughing at you behind your back if you have already beat them to the punch.

Be a little outrageous and zany. Get others used to the fact they can expect anything out of you. Develop a good sense of humor. It lets others know you are approachable, friendly and can have fun. It makes others feel secure and on an equal footing.

There will be a lot of "craziness" going on around you. Relax and enjoy the show instead of being affected by it.

Survival tip #3 -Take charge: If you try to do everything, you'll end up feeling cheated, angry, used, and depressed. You won't be easy to be around. Your support will dry up. You will end up hurting yourself.

Take control. Do things in moderation. Let your community involvement reflect your personal and family goals. Some parents deliberately restrict their community volunteering to youth activities arid programs that match their children's activities.

How do you say "no"?

"I'd love too, but if I accepted, I couldn't honor the commitments I've already made."

"What you are doing is important and needed in the community. I support your efforts. I appreciate what you and your committee are doing. I'll give you my moral support and encouragement, but I won't be able to actively contribute or attend meetings. I hope you can understand."

"When my husband is gone, I'm not - and vice versa. We try not to neglect the kids."

Sometimes it is a matter of simplifying or letting go. Old commitments that used to make sense may no longer match your goals. Husbands and wives can provide each other the self-correction and feedback necessary to keep basic priorities in mind.

Survival tip #4 -Find personal support: Busy and responsible people need the nourishment and support of intimate and expressive relationships. As open as you are to the community, there is still a part of you that can only be expressed in trusted friendships or marriage.

You need to be watched over, taken care of and nurtured. You need a listening ear, an understanding heart, or someone to be there just for fun. You need someone who accepts you as you are and can be a sounding board for you.

You don't need to be so busy that you don't have time or energy for close relationships. Your close relationships will renew your energy so you can serve others.

Survival tip #5 -Learn new things: A program for personal growth and learning keeps you energized. Your choices in community participation can reflect your natural areas of interest. You are investing in yourself as well as in the community.

Network outside of the community. Meet and be stimulated by new people. Take a class. Read a book. Prepare yourself to meet personal goals. Develop a skill you'd like to have. Learning keeps you alive and refreshed.

Survival tip #6 -Break your patterns: Go to the city. Plan a mystery day for your spouse. Try new things. Change the furniture. Vary your routine. Plan on doing something surprising and unexpected. Take a mini-vacation even if it is one hour of privacy or solitude.

Do the opposite of what you are used to doing. If you are always with people, get by yourself. If you live by the clock, plan unstructured time. If you get specific, you'll budget time in the midst of your busy schedule to break free and keep your life an adventure.