Farm women shared the following insights with me on how they get through the hectic
spring planting season and the time crunch at harvest time.
An extra measure of tolerance. There is a lot of strain, night work, fatigue,
setbacks, losses and frustration in planting and harvest times. It's obvious that most
people aren't at their best. They bark out demands, give snappy responses, worry too much,
communicate poorly and are easily frustrated. When people are tired, things don't go
right.
"If he is playing 'grease monkey,' I've learned to stay away from him."
Farm families who've learned how to "roll with the punches" make special
allowances for each other during stressful seasonal work. Problems that could be brought
up are not. They are put off until a later time.
"During the spring, I use my friend or my mother for a sounding board since I
can't expect it of my husband."
In hectic times one partner may be easygoing and take things in stride while the other
gets upset easily, needing to express his or her emotions. Things are accepted that might
not be otherwise.
"He's used to me getting it out of my system."
Sometimes one person might withdraw and not talk under high stress conditions - even
though this isn't his or her normal pattern of communication.
"You may not like him that day, but you love him anyway."
Relationships may be out of kilter for a while, but it's best to recognize that
"now" isn't the time to correct the problem. "Now" may not also be the
best time to have company over, plan to go out, schedule major family "events"
or even expect communication or companionship from one's spouse.
"If there's something special I want to go to, I've learned to go by myself or not
go."
Planning ahead. Some families have found that finances and spring do not mix. As
much as possible they try to take care of income taxes, loan negotiations and other
financial matters in advance. The additional worry and strain of dealing with finances
while they are grappling with spring work.
"If it isn't done before spring, forget it until later!"
Adapting meal preparation. Some families make it a point to either set a specific
mealtime or take a meal out to the field at a prearranged time. It provides a needed break
and a chance for family members to see each other. A surprising number of farm couples set
a regular mealtime regardless of how much still needs doing. Microwaves nicely solve the
problem of dealing with irregular mealtimes.
"Thank heavens for microwave ovens. ..not just in the spring but anytime of the
year!"
Communicating differently. Many farm couples take advantage of what time they do
have together to renew their relationship and to make every minute count. They invest
energy into their greetings and take time to catch each other up on what is going on in
each others lives. They try to talk about more than just business or problems.
A relationship can be kept alive during stressful times with signs of appreciation,
consideration, genuine concern, good listening, a little fun and lifting one another's
burden during precious moments together.
"I've learned that if I want to see my husband, I better tag along with him in his
work. Besides, it's helped me learn a lot of new things."
Finding a release. For some people an early morning devotional time can set the
tone for getting through the trials of the day. Putting one's life in perspective gives
extra patience when the unexpected happens.
"I sit down and put up my feet, close my eyes and erase from my mind everything
that needs my attention. These 10 or 15 minutes are sacred. No worries, just rest and
relaxation. During these few minutes, I say a prayer. I thank God for giving me the
opportunity to take care of His beautiful land. After those resting moments, I feel much
better. My work is less tedious and I can handle tasks with a new outlook."
"Sometimes I just sit there with coffee in my hands, thinking idly, or not at all,
just hanging loose. However I spend that time, it is an oasis of peace and quiet that
gives me strength all day long."
Another woman finds emotional release by writing in her diary. Once the events of the
day are written down, she finds herself at peace. Another writes poetry based on the
things she's observed during the day. Another feels renewed by her volunteering and
community service.
"I surprise myself with my accomplishments. I feel mentally refreshed, and I find
the stressful situations have eased up."
The right attitude. The stirring and commotion of spring are welcome after winter.
This is a time of hope and optimism. Isnt this what farming is all about? In
springtime, everything comes back to life. Dreams and hopes surge along with the work and
demands.
"Right now, in spring, the hope is there. We say this is the year we'll get ahead.
We are all 'next year' people. Right now, this springtime becomes the 'next year' we've
been waiting for. Smiles return to a lot of faces. The work is hard, but we plow into it
and smile when it is over."