Dr. Val Farmer
Rural Mental Health & Family Relationships

Victim Makes Appeal To Father

December 29, 2003

Dear Dad, This one is for you:

All of my life I remember how you wanted to impress the world with your knowledge by quoting the latest article that you had read or by reciting detailed descriptions about how much you knew on any given subject.

But what have you read about incest? And what do you know about child abuse? With all the coverage, these topics have received in papers in recent years, surely you have come across information that might have made you squirm.

How is your memory? Do you really believe that I have forgotten the sexual abuse that you put me through just to satisfy your lust and lecherous ways? Can you admit now that you acted in a criminal manner, disregarding my pleas and overpowering me, threatening and coercing me and then pretending to the outside world that you were a fine father, a man of 'Christian' principles?

I have not forgotten, for the memories are seared in my brain as if you have branded them there. Your inappropriate touching, your demands, the times you carefully arranged to be alone with me, your actions behind my mother's back - all of these things haunt me still. Home was a place where I lived in fear. I couldn't wait to leave, hoping to leave the horror behind.

When, on occasion, you have asked me to dance with you at some public affair, my feet don't want to move and my ears cannot hear the music - I just want to run and run, and never be alone with you at any time or at any place. When you now try to hug or plant a kiss, I withdraw at the attempt, for my mind races back and your touch is repulsive.

Such a legacy you have left me.

Coming from a family that was itself dysfunctional should have given you the advantage of being more caring and concerned. But, no. Without proper role models, you continued the process of destroying your own flesh and blood. If you had beaten me daily, you could not have done more harm to my fragile psyche than you did by your inappropriate behavior.

Don't be misled into believing my life is normal simply because I appear to be functioning in an acceptable manner. I've been able to fake my way through many family gatherings, shutting off my emotional triggers and hoping to get through the day by being invisible. But you would have never noticed; for, to you, women were only present to be of service, never to be asked an opinion nor questioned for a response. I was always a non-person to you.

I do not believe that you deserve to be shielded from your past actions by my silence. You seem to be laboring under the assumption that the world owes you respect for the fact that you were able to rise above poverty by your sheer dedication to work.

Just how much respect would you be able to gather from your fellow church members and your neighbors if they knew the deep secrets of your past relationship with your own daughter?

The painful past you engineered for me should descend upon you and call you to account for your terrible deeds. How you have managed to disguise your true nature to the outside world for so many years is quite a feat in itself. Although you take great pride in your ability to control your own emotions and destiny, you need a psychological evaluation so that the truth can surface and you can come to terms with the seriousness of your past mistakes.

Millions of dollars would never be able to buy back the childhood that you stole from me and the trust that you obliterated. You can never again forge that loving parental bond that you destroyed, nor can you now go back and make amends for making me, your own daughter, your victim.

Consider all these thoughts well - time may have made you think that the cruelties I now accuse you of never happened. Mark my words, the day will yet come when you will have to admit, for the first time, that you made grave mistakes and acted with gross stupidity in your heartless behavior.

With all the reading that you do and the knowledge you pride yourself in, perhaps you can add this to your storehouse of information. Humble yourself to admit to your victim you wronged that you harmed an innocent person. You may never be able to restore our relationship to what it should be, but your remorse and admission of guilt may put us on a better road of understanding.

Surely if you looked deep into your heart, you must know that you have been an imposter for far too long. Even if you have a conscience and it gives you some discomfort, nothing would ever compare to the hurt you have caused me in my lifetime.

Time is running out. I need some answers. I am waiting. Still waiting.

The daughter you never knew.