Dr. Val FarmerDr.Val
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Rural Mental Health & Family Relationships

Managing Time By Managing Yourself

December 16, 2002

Are you running short of time? I am. The holiday season is the most hectic time of year. But I’m afraid it is just symptomatic of a larger problem - a life that is demanding, has many work and family responsibilities, and full of choices, some meaningful and most distracting.

Do you feel as I do that in all our busyness we neglect the basics of life. Do you feel OK about the time you give to contemplation, to spirituality, to our children, to our marriage partner, to service to others, and for renewing our spirit and energy through play and leisure?

Are you living a life you really want to live? Are you wittingly or unwittingly giving large chunks of time to empty distractions such as TV, computer games, or video rentals? Are too many hours being devoted to work than is reasonable? Is the accumulation of possessions and goods extracting their own excessive time demands?

More efficiency? The way out of today’s hectic lifestyle isn't by increased efficiency, by squeezing more activities into an already crowded schedule and daytime planner. You already know the formula: set goals, make a "to do" list, prioritize, do the top items first, don't procrastinate. Sound familiar?

This isn't the answer for busy people who are already reasonably organized and efficient. The problem isn't getting more done in less time. Rather, the challenge is to loosen up one’s schedule a bit so that important personal and family needs are met.

Narrow your focus. This goes against our "do everything," "have everything," "get everything done" culture. To be free from the tyranny of the clock, we need to intentionally reign in ambitions and narrow our focus to those dreams and goals that really matter.

It also means coming to terms with finding meaning in life, accepting that life is fleeting and time is finite - that death, is inevitable and that there isn't time for everything. Those who have had near-death experiences, incapacitating illness, or other major setbacks tell us plainly how their experiences taught them what is important in life.

Other dimensions of life come into play - time for reflection on what is really important, time for meeting personal needs, time for play, time for intimacy, time of relaxation, time for incubation of new ideas, time for rest, time to be present, time to appreciate the moment, time to be compassionate, time for those in need, and time to be a friend.

Do you want those things? By doing less, you can achieve more of what you really want.

Being rich and time poor. Money in the bank is stored freedom. The more money you have, the more choices you have about how to spend your time. Money tied up in possessions can't be translated easily into choices about time. Possessions take time. Even of greater concern, debt obligates future time.

You can be wealthy and time poor. You can work so hard that there is no time left over for important things. Money in the bank doesn't mean making good choices on how to use time. How people spend their money or their time and what they give attention to represent the great tests of the real values they live by.

The clutter in life may not be just on desks, in the garage or attic, or in the abundance of objects to be taken care of. There is a different kind of clutter - time clutter. To have a high standard of living from a time standpoint may mean cutting back and simplifying your life.

The object isn't to drop out but to put on the brakes, to decelerate, to say no when no needs to be said, to plan life instead of time, to live with a satisfying tempo, to live a life with balance. Besides learning to cut back and using time to suit real purposes, here are other tips on how to take time out from a time intensive world:

- Plan a weekend away with no time constraints or schedules to keep.

- Go on a summer camping trip where your internal clock gets set according to hunger pangs, sleep and by sunrises and sunsets.

- Find a creative hobby that is compelling and fun. Work the task and not the clock.

- Enjoy a long, unhurried conversation.

- Take time, breaks on holidays, evening and weekends. Don't let work intrude.

- Have regular family meals with meaningful conversation.

- Protect free periods to plan, think and read.

- Plan fun and relaxation with family, friendships and your marriage partner.

- Say no.

- Learn that doing nothing can be just as important as doing something.

- Let your unfinished work wait for you.

"Live as if you were to live forever; live as if you were to die tomorrow." - Algerian proverb.

Give yourself a gift this holiday season. Take a day or two to think and plan the things that you really want to do this coming year and live deliberate intentional lives.

And the doctor needs to take his own medicine.