Teaching Children The Work Ethic

We read about declining SAT and ACT scores. Supposedly our schools are failing kids. We worry that the rising generation is unprepared to compete in the global marketplace. Employees complain about unreliable and illiterate workers. Having fun and hanging out seems to dominate the agenda of many teens.

On the other hand, this generation of Americans is working longer hours, getting less sleep, going without exercise, eating less nutritional food and not having as much fun. Children are being pushed to excel and hustled off to a myriad of social and skill building activities. Many teens seem to be living as fast and hurried lives as their parents.

Which is it? Are we becoming a nation of workaholics? Or are we being lazy and bringing up self-centered indulged children who don’t know the meaning of work? How do we find balance between teaching the work ethic and enjoying a healthy and unhurried family life? What are we teaching our children about work?

For answers to these questions, I turned to psychologists William Pollack at Harvard University, Halcyone Bohen in Washington, D.C., and Karen Zager of New York City.

Parents need to communicate about work. Pollack feels that the work ethic is learned by parent example. We no longer live on the family farm where children observe and learn directly what Mom and Dad do every day. Instead, parents are out the door, working long hours doing some vague, technologically complex task. Work isn't integrated into family life.

Parents don't take time to express what work means to them or talk about the quality of their work experience. If they complain, collapse or continue to work at home on other projects, children see their parent's work as a burden and a source of isolation and emotional distance.

Pollack's advice to parents is to discuss the meaning of work. Visibly show excitement and interest in what is being done. Children from poor and disadvantaged families learn the work ethic from watching parents care about work. Healthy families balance work, both in and out the home, with a family life that has abundant love, fun, nurture and support.

Pollack thinks television and movies teach that life is supposed to be full of fun and passion, which works against the work ethic. However, media influence is really small compared to parental example and attitude about work.

Taking time to give one-to-one attention. Bohen agrees that middle class parents who are work consumed and have trouble limiting work will probably raise children who will follow their workaholic tendencies. Parents can also over-identify with their children's successes. These parents have trouble letting children take responsibility for their own choices, successes and failures.

Bohen emphasizes that each child learns individually. It takes time, energy, structure and close supervision to teach responsibility and learning. Each child learns differently and requires individualized structure, pacing, limit setting and attention. Parents need to slow down, see and work with the particular needs of their children.

She also notes that children from working class families have other problems. Both parents are often gone and working hard for economic survival. Their absence and lack of involvement are not out of choice.

Mom and Dad work hard, come home and collapse in front of the TV. Their work isn't interesting and pays poorly. Children absorb the alienation and futility of hard working parents who struggle to survive in tough economic circumstances.

These children don't get focused, intense, one-to-one attention they need to develop skills and attitudes for school success and learning. Schools don't have the time, energy or resources to pick up the slack. Children need devoted adults who will teach skills crucial for better work and school experiences. It is a problem society shares with the parents.

Low income families can't solve this on their own. If the problem isn't addressed, peer groups and media beckon children to a world where work isn't valued or is seemingly a dead-end street.

Learning to work in the home. Zager believes that parents need to provide work opportunities for children in the home. Children feel helpful when they pitch in with family life. She sees the importance of having two categories of chores - regular chores and extra chores to earn and learn how to handle money. Praise and "stars" help young children get excited about work.

Most conflicts about chores can be minimized through planning, scheduling, explanations, training, negotiations and expectations. Responsibilities need to be tailored to the abilities of the child. Follow through and consequences are crucial to the process. Homework is a priority. Diversion and entertainment have to wait until chores and homework are done.

Zager says children need to have balanced lives with time to play, relaxation, friendships and recreation. They need to learn about themselves and choose their own interests and activities. Parental attitudes about their own work are important. Parents need to talk about their work accomplishments and challenges, live their lives in balance, and explain what work they do in the home and for the family.

Work is committing time and energy toward a worthwhile goal. One thing is clear - teaching the work ethic to children itself takes work. For all the rest of the work in our lives, this may be the most important work we do.