Is Lake Wobegon A Dysfunctional Community?

Merle Fossum and Marilyn Mason in their book, "Facing Shame: Families in Recovery" describe hidden family rules that hurt the development of children and parents alike.

Garrison Keillor, in his fictional account of life in a small Minnesota town, "Lake Wobegon Days," has a former Wobegonian slip a list of complaints entitled, "95 Theses" under the door of the local newspaper.

There is a similarity between the dysfunctional family rules and the kind of rigid parental injunctions Keillor's character has on his complaint list about his Lake Wobegon upbringing.

Let's compare Fossum and Mason's list of dysfunctional family rules (in bold type) with quotations from "95 Theses."

1. Be in control of all behavior and interaction. The rest of the rules are about control.

2. Be perfect. "Number 56. When I lifted a finger, you told me it was the wrong finger and I was lifting it the wrong way.

"When I vacuumed, suddenly vacuuming became an exact science, a branch of physics, and I was doing it all wrong .you snatched the hose away and said, 'Here, I might as well do it myself,' which was what you intended all along.

3. Blame yourself or others. "Number 32. Your own mistakes you managed to explain to your own satisfaction. When you hurt people, you explained that you didn't mean to.

"When you gossiped malicious gossip, you explained that ‘everyone knows this and besides it is true.’ You had a good reason for every dumb thing you did ..."

"Number 68. Everything was set in place in your universe, and you knew what everything and everybody was, whether you had ever seen them or not.

"You could glance at strangers and size them up instantly. An article of clothing, a phrase from their lips, a look in their eye you know who they were, and you were seldom generous in your assessments."

"Number 72. Anyway, I was brought up to believe that whatever happens to people is their own fault. There were few if any disasters that you couldn't explain by citing the mistakes made by victims. ‘She should have never married him.’ ‘He should have never been therein the first place.’"

4. Deny feelings. "Number 28. I find it very hard to whoop it up, hail a pal, split a gut, cut a rug, have a ball or make a joyful noise."

"Number 21. Suffering was its own reward, to be preferred to pleasure ... We were born to suffer. Pain was pooh-poohed. If you broke your leg, walk home and apply ice. Don't complain. Don't baby yourself."

"Number 29. You taught me not to go overboard, lose my head, or make a big deal out of it, but to keep a happy medium, that the truth is in the middle.

"No extremes. Don't exaggerate. Hold your horses. Keep a lid on it. Save it for later. Be careful. Weight the alternatives. Wear navy blue.

"Years later, I am constantly adjusting my feelings downward to achieve that fine balance of caution and melancholy."

5. Don't count on others to be reliable. "Number 7. You have taught me to fear strangers and their illicit designs, robbing me of easy companionship, making me a very suspicious friend.

"Even among those I know well, I continue to worry: what do they really mean by liking me?"

6. Don't settle anything. "Number 92. Every tiny disagreement was an ultimate blow to you. 'Is this the thanks we get after all we've done?’"

"Number 17. Listening to them, I was taught to keep quiet. Stupidity had the floor, always. Argument was impolite."

7. Don't talk. "Number 9. You taught me to be nice, so that I am so full of niceness, I have no sense of right and wrong, no outrage, no passion.

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all,' you said, so I am very quiet, which most people think is politeness. I call it repression."

"Number 30. You taught me not to be ‘unusual’ for fear of what the neighbors would say. They were omniscient, able to see through walls. We knew they'd talk, because we always talked about them.

"We thought they were nuts, but we still shouldn't offend them."

8. Don't believe what you see.

"Number 57. You taught me that, no matter what I thought, it was probably wrong. The world is fundamentally deceptive. The better something looks, the more rotten it probably is down deep.

"Some people were fooled but not you. You could always see the underlying truth, and truth was ugly. There was more to everything than everyone knew. This teaching has had me, against my better judgment, to suspect people of trying to put one over."

"Number 58. Believing there is always more than meets the eyes defeats the sense of sight. Always looking for hidden meaning, a person misses the lovely surface of the world, even in spring. Surely those green leaves are hiding bare branches.

"If you look hard enough, you will glimpse them: dark, malevolent, and a big trunk that if you ran into it hard enough, it would kill you."