Dr. Val FarmerDr.Val
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Rural Mental Health & Family Relationships

Coping Strategies For Times Of Crisis

November 23, 2009

This year is a battle. The fallout from the home mortgage crisis has spilled over into the general economy, resulting in 10 percent unemployment and an economy that is slow to rebound despite infusion of government intervention on an unprecedented scale. Anxiety about the future is rampant.

Behind the grim statistics are families being caught with financial problems and family dislocations they did not anticipate. Adding to that trouble are families experiencing natural disasters, health crises, accidents, loss of loved ones, and the various setbacks in life that eventually touch each of us.

How do you keep your spirits up? How do you keep going when your life is filled with unpleasant emotions like anger, sadness, despair and anxiety?

Here are some common coping strategies - some good, some bad - for dealing with long term stress:

- Avoidance coping: Some people cope by avoiding or denying their problems. This may actually be OK in the first few days or weeks after a tragedy but quickly it turns into a strategy that leads to further problems.

People avoid dealing with their difficulties by escaping into fantasy, distractions, drinking, gambling, or some other compulsive activity that provides emotional distance from their dilemma. They avoid important letters and the people they need to see to resolve problems. They refuse to examine the details of the problem. Research shows this strategy eventually leads to depression.

- Ruminative coping: Some people cope by constantly worrying about their feelings. They are passive. Their worries don’t lead to concrete steps for solving the problem. They see themselves and their emotions as being the problem.

Their preoccupation with the problem may lead to feelings of anger and blame. Worrying about problems without taking active steps to change things also leads to increased depression.

- Emotional detachment: This style of coping involves a healthy acceptance of loss or the changed circumstances. They don’t do things or worsen their situation nor do they try to change it. This is "one step at a time" coping.

People distance themselves from the emotional pain by narrowing their focus and attention. They economize their energies and their thoughts by dealing with what they can control. They typically do not get caught up in blame or denial strategies.

Humor is also a way of putting emotional distance between oneself and one’s problems. The ability to laugh at oneself or at the absurdities of one’s circumstances reduces problems to lesser importance in the grand scheme of things.

- Pleasant events: People using this strategy consciously seek positive events in their lives to relieve pressure and negative stress. This is different from avoidance coping. This is a break from the problem, not an escape.

They do such things as going for a walk, reading a book, going to a game or some other favorite activity to lift their mood. They avoid thinking about their troubles and hardships. They try to enjoy the "moment" instead of dwelling too much on the past or the future. Consciously seeking positive activities reduces depression.

- Active problem solving: This is what humans do best – attack the problem. This takes energy and work. It also takes flexibility. Being fixated on an unrealistic goal leads to depression and demoralization.

Something needs to be done by either revise the goals or make necessary adjustments so there is hope in future success. By taking small steps we bring back feelings of control and competence. It takes courage to come to terms with the new reality, think it through and plan one’s way to a brighter future. This involves facing facts, talking about them and searching for new alternatives.

- Finding faith and new meaning: How people define events gives the events great power over our emotions. People cope well with adversity by finding larger purposes, value and meaning to life. The setback or loss they now experience is put into a larger context of faith and growth.

Values such as spirituality, family life, loving relationships, friendships, concern for others, and good health takes on renewed importance during times of crisis. By going through hard times, people grow in insight and compassion. They become better people. They become more focused on what they truly value.

- Seeking social support: Stress affects marriage and the family. Moods change. Depression takes its toll. There is a reduction in physical affection, socializing, and recreation. Each partner tries to deal with the uncertainty in his or her own way.

Friction, blame and hostility drive wedges between couples when they need each other the most. They affect each other. Anger creates anger. Love creates love.

Imagine how frustrating a relationship might be if one partner has an escapist or ruminative coping style and the other, a problem-solving style. A partner who refuses to communicate denies their spouse the sounding board and new ideas he or she needs to work through the crisis.

During times of crisis, people need to feel cared for and understood. By coping together, they support each other through patience, love and an understanding heart.

They can choose to bring some pleasant experiences into their routine, focus on the "here and now," lovingly search for meaning in their life experiences, and find hope and laughter in what they are doing to meet the demands of their situation. They also can look to their close friendships and caring community for the resources they need.