The Difference Between Pride And Self-Esteem

Competition. "Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only having more of it than the next man....It is the comparison that makes you proud; the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone." - C.S. Lewis

Pride has its origins in comparisons with others. Comparisons are the measuring rod to determine self-worth. Pride is competitive. There are winners and there are losers.

The game is perceived to be one in which gains are made at the expense of the other side. One's ranking of worth depends on tangible measurements of talent, wealth, accomplishments, beauty, or intellect.

Pride is a valiant effort by the soul to earn what it doesn't feel. Pride puts people in bondage to what people think. They don't search for worth in themselves but strive to win approval in the court of public opinion.

Never satisfied. "Pride loves no man, and is beloved of none; it disparages another's virtues by detraction, and thine own by vainglory. It is the friend of the flatterer, the mother of envy, the nurse of fury,...It hates superiors, scorns inferiors, and owns no equal."- Bolingbroke

For whatever reasons a person with pride is not immunized from the approval of others. The battle for acceptance is continuous. Victories are short-lived. Public opinion is fickle. It is never fully satisfied. Even success brings its own brand of public censure, fueled by envy and jealousy. The battle to please cannot be won.

Envious. "Pride...makes us fancy we deserve all the goods that others possess; envy some that should be admired while we are overlooked; and hate, because all that is bestowed on others, diminishes the sum we think due to ourselves." - Colton

The proud find it hard to relish the success of others when they themselves feel short-changed. In order to feel good about themselves, they adopt an attitude of victimization. Anger, envy and feelings of helplessness are the by-products of pride. They don’t look at their circumstances with gratitude or appreciation.

Lonely. "The proud never have friends; not in prosperity, for then they know nobody; and not in adversity, for then nobody knows them." - Sydney Smith

In the brassy glare of recognition and wealth, the proud do not completely trust the friendship of others because they wonder about the motives of others attaching themselves to their star. In adversity, they keep their hidden struggles with inadequacy to themselves to maintain the pretext of strength.

Pride is a substitute for self-esteem.

"True dignity abides with him alone

Who, in the silent hour of inward thought,

Can still suspect, and revere himself,

In lowliness of heart." -William Wordsworth

Self-esteem also has its origins in comparisons. It is different from pride in that self-esteem has been internalized. The person with high self-esteem has graduated from needing the approval of others to self-acceptance and self-acceptance based on internal standards.

The process of internalizing self-esteem has as its foundation the unconditional love and approval from parents. Experiences of being accepted by peers are important, as are repeated demonstrations of competence in school and related activities. Finally, belief in and conformity to a spiritual and moral frame of reference creates an internal standard for judging worthiness.

Self-esteem is garnered by having a variety of positive experiences in a variety of settings. People with self-esteem feel validated in their assessment of personal value.

What is the difference between pride and self-esteem?

- Pride confuses net worth with self-worth; self-esteem finds value in itself.

- Pride gossips and backbites; self-esteem doesn't judge.

- Pride withholds appreciation and praise; self-esteem delights in others' success.

- Pride feels it deserves more; self-esteem is grateful.

- Pride keeps secrets; self-esteem reveals feelings.

- Pride is defensive and argumentative; self-esteem listens.

- Pride is easily offended and hold grudges; self-esteem forgives offenses.

- Pride is judgmental; self-esteem is understanding.

- Pride does not accept correction easily; self-esteem learns from others.

- Pride maintain appearances; self-esteem is honest.

- Pride lives beyond its means; self-esteem has nothing to prove.

- Pride is the center of all that matters; self-esteem puts oneself in the shoes of others.

- Pride dislikes authority; self-esteem takes direction.

- Pride believes or denies almost anything to protect itself; self-esteem accepts reality.

- Pride depends on itself; self-esteem searches for God and learns to depend on Him.

- Pride tries to be the best; self-esteem does its best.

- Pride is threatened by neighbors; self-esteem accepts and loves its neighbor.

- Pride doesn't recognize itself except in others; self-esteem overlooks faults except its own.

- Pride is bondage; self-esteem is freedom.