Dr. Val FarmerDr.Val
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Rural Mental Health & Family Relationships

Father Expresses Concern About Impact Of Sports

October 2, 2000

This is a response from a reader on the influence of sports in their local community. The father asked not to mention his name or town as he would get "tarred and feathered."

Dear Dr. Farmer,

You hit a live wire here! Last June this was the subject at our diocesan synod. Some locals brag of never missing a sporting event yet are lucky to get to church twice a year for Christmas and Easter. Coaches discourage kids from family vacation over the summer and other school breaks so they won’t miss out on practice. Family supper time - sacred time - is eliminated. Every night is either practice or a game.

The reader went on to explain that the most important discussion topic at the synod was regarding marriage, family life and youth. A question was posed to the group, "How can the richness of family life be better understood, lived and protected in the home . . . in an increasingly secularized society?" The reader then points out, "The concluding sentence to the speaker's presentation was: Go home and talk to your coaches."

How did the answer boil down to go home and talk to your coaches? Well, this was not the all-consuming simple answer - many factors were discussed besides sports, but sports is one activity we can all understand and relate to. It is one problem area we can address and correct right within our local community.

This is evidenced by: 1) activities and practices on the Lord’s day, 2) disregard for church day during the week with kids going directly from practice to religious education programs - if at all, and, 3) the loss of family supper time - the speaker described the kitchen table as sacred ground.

This is an issue on how too much of something good and positive can be detrimental to family life. The same can be said for television, computers and the like. It was stated that our families were being raised by appliances - TVs, computers, etc. - and coaches. Todays Christian families need to be counter-cultural. The obsession with sports and winning is becoming a universal problem, especially in rural areas.

The reader included a letter he wrote to his teen-age son discussing the rationale why he and his wife decided to pull their son out of football. Here are excerpts from that letter:

You are about to finish your third year of high school. The first two years involved football and the third year did not. The main reason you attend school is for education. The education aspect of the years with football compared to last year is like night and day.

During your last year of playing football you had no As. Three teachers came to Mom worried you might get Ds. Two teachers said you had trouble keeping awake in class. It was your teachers who expressed to us that football might be too much. This year, without football, you've gotten straight As twice so far. That is a huge difference. And you did that while working two jobs.

You have also been involved in other things this year that have made us proud and helped you grow in a positive way as well. You participated in Forensics. You have been very active in organizing a group from our community to perform a service project on an Indian reservation. Because of your excellent grades, character and leadership roles, you have been selected to represent our community at Boys State.

. . . Anything can be an obsession. Things that are good in moderation can be bad when we are obsessed by them. Computers, TV, music, golf, even work, can all be good things but we can't let them take time away from more important things in our lives. I’ve been involved in Jaycees, Ducks Unlimited, community and church activities - all good things, but when they start to interfere with more important things in my life, I cut back.

So that's point number one. Football has interfered with and taken the place of positive things in your life. Point number two is that, in some ways, sports in general has had a negative impact on your life. With regard to football, some players’ attitude toward performance enhancing drugs is cause for concern. Some of the town's star players use of alcohol sets a poor example.

. . . Locker room and practice field quotes like, "make our cheerleaders lust after you," and, "rape and pillage their cheerleaders," contribute to wrong attitudes about women and sex. Too many athletes around the country, including some of our own, are shacking up with or knocking up young girls. This is not the kind of person your Mom and I expect you to become.

We are your parents. Our job is not to be your best buddies or to make life hard on you. Our decisions are based on our love for you and what is best for you. As I said to you, I would consider football after seeing your ACT scores. You are going to need the kind of grades again you earned this year. You cannot afford the kind of grades you did while playing football. Your Mom and I would like to see the same effort and results we saw this year.

I hope you know we both love you very much, that we are happy with you and proud you are our son.