Dr. Val FarmerDr.Val
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Rural Mental Health & Family Relationships

Tough Times: How to Make 1999 A Good Year

March 15, 1999

Family farmers face a tough go of it in 1999. The prospects for decent grain prices during this coming year don't look good. In past years, farmers could generally count a good price for one commodity covering the shortfall of another. Not this year.

Short of a weather crisis during the coming growing season in some part of the world, supplies appear plentiful and demand is down. The export market is flat if not shrinking. Cost of inputs do not fall like the prices of products. It's hard to be optimistic when the numbers look grim.

I sense a deep foreboding, an apprehension that the worst is yet to come. I am not a market analyst. I offer no information or strategy to deal with what looms on the horizon. What I can offer is a view that you can do a lot to cope effectively as an individual or as a family.

Individual coping. As an individual, you can do the following things to manage your stress and stop it from spoiling your life and spilling over onto the lives of your loved ones.

  • Face problems head on. Talk about them. Acknowledge them to whoever needs to know. Don't let your pride get in the way of making hard decisions. Others are in the same boat.

Pencil it out. Watch your spending, both business and family living expenses. Be flexible. Make whatever changes need to be made. Don't delve into escapist activities that hide you from problems.

  • Get advice. Gather information. Solid information shines a bright light on problems and takes away fear. This also applies to communication and conflict situations in the family.
  • A positive attitude is crucial. You can't control some of the events that happen to you but you can control how you react to them. Acceptance of losses, setbacks and disappointments helps us deal with life's problems and injustices. Worry about the things you can do something about.

Decide what these things mean. If you look for the silver lining, the cloud doesn't look as dark. Someday when you tell the story of your life, some of your most defining moments, moments that changed you into a better human being, will have happened during times of trial and struggle. Be patient with life. It is a time of deeper spiritual reckoning and dependence.

Take time to examine true priorities: health, talents, love, family, children, friends, spiritual understanding, the beauty and mystery of nature, and opportunities to brighten the lives of others.

A sense of humor can give you room for your spirit to breathe. Leisure, hobbies and wholesome diversions take your mind off the distant future and will bring you pleasure when you need it the most.

Family coping. Here are some things you can do in your marriage and in your family to help one another.

  • Cooperate with the workload. Manage the stress that comes with off-farm employment and auxiliary enterprises. If one or both of you are working off the farm, the stress, fatigue and irritability factor will likely strain your relationship. Make sure you are cooperative and supportive of each other's workloads and responsibilities. Even if you have nothing else to offer, you can offer deep understanding and support.
  • Go through it together. Open up and share your inner thoughts and feelings. We all need a confidential outlet for the things of our heart. A crisis is an opportunity to share deeply with those who we care about.

Marital relationships are based on respect, trust and mutual influence. You need to share the big picture. You need to share the details of your lives. You need to talk through difficult problems and know you can solve them. Your basic goals and values unite you, even if your opinions differ.

Listen to your children. Let them know what you are going through. Enlist their cooperation. They can be a bright spot in your life when stress is high.

If you are in a family business, be open and honest with them. Find out what they are thinking and feeling. Many heads are better than one. If you get support from family, it doesn't matter what the world thinks.

  • Show an increase of love. Go out of your way to be kind and loving to each other. Soothe one another. Ease each other's burden. Be the first to give love.
  • Avoid unnecessary conflict. Watch your temper. Don't blame. Don't withdraw. Don't pick a fight or escalate a fight. If your spouse is angry, listen and only listen. Don't give advice, criticism or respond in anger. Listening is the best thing you can do. Your turn will come.
  • Family fun. If there is ever a time when you need to let your hair down and make some fun, this is it. Make memories. Lighten up. A farm is a wonderful place to have light-hearted moments.

These are the things you have control over. If worst comes to worst, it won't seem so bad if you have developed a better perspective on life and have grown closer together in your family. It can be a good year. The rest will take care of itself.