Life In The Fish Bowl Explained

"Welcome to our community! We hope you'll love it here just like we do. I see you moved into the old Miller place south of town. You were lucky to get the deal on that place you did. I bet your husband is happy about that."

The transplanted city woman was taken aback by the friendliness and the knowledge her new acquaintance seemed to have of their affairs. With hesitancy, she answered, "We are pleased but how did you know we got such a good deal?"

"We know all about your husband's family. They have farmed here for more than four generations. They've kept us posted about your husband's schooling at State College, your courtship and marriage, the kids and your jobs in the city. You'll find once you've been here a while that there isn't much that happens that you don't know about. We knew all about the Miller place, who was interested and why and some of the terms. People around here make it a point to know about things like that."

"Why do you want to know all those things?" asked the newcomer.

"The competition for land is intense. Business and politics depend on knowing when opportunities might come up. Your father-in-law knew exactly when the Miller place was coming on the market. He’s been cultivating a relationship with the former owners for years. A lot of things are done around here on the basis of personal relationships. You know, ‘I scratch your back and you scratch mine.’

"Even if I personally weren’t interested in land, it is still fascinating. Life around here is a human jigsaw that can be put together. It is possible to make all the connections and figure out why people do what they do.

"It is utterly fascinating. We know everyone's family tree, the skeletons in the closet, the way people were raised, how they did in school and their habits over the years. If we don't pay attention, we might miss a tidbit here and a nuance there - and the puzzle wouldn't fit together.

"Boy, that is an awful lot to keep track of. I'm afraid I'm not used to that," replied the young woman.

"We use small talk or gossip to learn from each other. The men get together at the cafe and bar and discuss endlessly their ideas about farming. You know, farming is a business where one doesn't jump off the deep end. The fellows around here are pretty inquisitive about each other's business. They tease, gossip, tell lies, brag a little but are very careful with their private financial and personal affairs. Don't let anybody ever kid you, farmers are the biggest gossips of all," said the farm woman. Believe only half of what you hear.

"Of course, we women are no slouches either when it comes to learning about marriages, raising children, homemaking tips, cooking, shopping, health ideas and whatever else it takes to survive in this world, " she continued.

"Have you ever noticed how we remember stories and anecdotes that illustrate a point? The 'thou shalts' and the 'thou shalt nots' by themselves aren't nearly as interesting as a good story." We illustrate our points by examples. Since we know so much about other people's lives, such examples aren't hard to come by.

"I guess I'm not used to looking at other people's lives so closely ," said the newcomer. "Do you ever feel like you are living in a fish bowl?"

"Sort of, but it doesn't bother me. We see each other at church, at games, school functions, meetings, shopping - just everywhere. You'll get used to it after a while. It is nice to see a friendly face. It really is.

"Sometimes it is hard living so close to so many people. If you don’t have any secrets or anything to hide, it’s not so bad. You also learn to tolerate a lot. And it's important not to offend people. You never know when you might need them.

"It is too hard on the community if people are angry and carry a lot of tension around with them. It takes a long time to live down a public blowup or an embarrassment. Controversy or trouble between people tears our community apart.

"Through gossip, we can put pressure on people or express disapproval or anger without face-to-face confrontations. You might say we deal with our disputes and differences of opinion on the gossip circuit instead. Sometimes, third parties or mediators emerge to settle things without people ever having to face each other directly."

"I can’t imagine gossip being a good thing," declared the newcomer.

"Can you imagine how complicated and hard it is to relate to a couple where there has been an affair? And how hard it must be for them. It is much better for everyone if these things don't happen in the first place.

"Our watchful eyes and quick tongues tend to keep people in line. We talk about what it means to be a good neighbor, to clean out weeds from roadways, to keep animal diseases from breaking out and the things that really hurt other people. Through our gossip we make it clear what our community standards and values are."

Later the young transplant mentioned to her husband. "I really got educated about country gossip this afternoon when I was visiting Emily."

"With obvious interest he replied, "Oh, really. What did she say?"