Dr. Val FarmerDr.Val
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Rural Mental Health & Family Relationships

How Farmers Manage During Stressful Times

May 6, 2002

"Dear Dr .Farmer,

Our family has suffered severe financial setbacks with the current agricultural crisis. We live in uncertainty. We won't know for another year or so if we'll be able to climb out of the financial pit we are in. Do you have any suggestions on how to cope during this painful time in our lives." - A Farm Family Just Making It.

Dear Farm Family,

Here are some thoughts on how to cope on a day-to-day basis until you are in a position to make concrete plans for the future.

Attitude. Try to find meaning in your setbacks and in life that transcend your particular situation. Rely on your faith. A concentration camp survivor wrote, "He who has a 'why' to live can bear almost any 'how ."

Deliberately change your attitude. How you perceive and react to your circumstances is your choice alone. You have control over whether your response will be constructive or destructive. This is your greatest power and always will be.

Don't be too quick to judge the outcome of what you are going through. Time will decide if any good will come from what has happened. The final chapters in this episode are still to be written. Find solace and strength in prayer and in the scriptures.

Don't dwell on the past. Don't blame yourself. You have learned from whatever mistakes that were made. The problem had a specific cause related to a specific set of circumstances, not because of a specific failing within yourself.

Stop blaming others. Who caused the problem isn't as important as how it is going to be solved. Accept the unjustness and unfairness of what happened, then move forward. Forgiving others will release you from always living with the hurt and pain.

Learn to live on limited resources without feeling poor. Don't judge yourself by material possessions. Your abilities, competence and character didn't change with your change of fortune. True riches are in one's character, family, faith, health, friends, and in giving love and service. The gift of ourselves doesn't have a price tag attached.

Find something to laugh at. Finding humor in day-to-day happenings will ease the pain.

Taking control. Give yourself permission to grieve your losses. Talk and talk some more. Get your emotions out. Seek out people who care about you and share your feelings. If you withdraw to lick your wounds and get a grip on yourself, don't withdraw too long. Grieve and then get on with life.

Face reality. Know where you are at. Explore alternatives. Let go of the past and make whatever changes are necessary. Take control and make decisions. Do what you have to do to put bread on the table. First survive, then worry about new dreams.

Give yourself time. Hope and confidence will come back when you know more answers than you do now.

Re-evaluate your priorities. What you thought "should be" may no longer be possible. You are learning new truths. Compromise. Bargain with life and bargain with yourself. Don't push yourself beyond your limitations. Changing your goals and standards will help you get through today without pushing yourself to exhaustion.

Nourish relationships. Support each other. Your greatest comfort will come from the love and understanding you give each other. Find your release in being cared for and in giving care and love to somebody else. In making the burdens of others lighter, yours will become less heavy.

Understand that everyone in the family is under greater strain. Commit yourself and the family to live with greater patience and tolerance.

Confront your problems as a team. Share the problems with your spouse and children. Draw on the family's storehouse of talents, ideas and love. Go through this together.

Give friends a chance to be friends by sharing with them the struggles of your heart. The support of friends will be a source of strength to you.

Be good to yourself. Put your own oxygen mask on first and then assist those who need your help.

Enjoy leisure. Relax into your hobby, your favorite escape, and know that it is OK. You need the pleasure of small accomplishments and fun distractions more than ever. Find inexpensive entertainment and recreation. These are more necessary now than when times were good.

Plunge yourself into your children's activities and enjoy their accomplishments. For the time being, their future is more tangible than your own. Make family fun and activities a priority. Make new memories to crowd out the painful ones.

Write down your feelings. Your journal will help you understand yourself and be a record of what you have been through. Sometimes writing is a first step to enable yourself to open up verbally.

Retreat into nature. Deep pain awakens the sensitivity to life. Find joy in what is around you. See the sunrises, sunsets, baby animals, storms, moonlit nights and your loved ones as you find them.

Live one day at a time. Life has become fleeting. Faith in tomorrow has been broken. But today is still yours. The moment must be seized and enjoyed. The present holds much beauty and fascination. Find beauty, fun and enjoyment in today and let tomorrow take care of itself.

Don't forget the lessons you learned during your hard times. Your children and grandchildren need to know them.