Why Change Is Hard In Small Towns

What does it mean to be rural? People who live in geographically isolated, low population areas where occupations are tied to natural resources have more in common with each other than they do with their fellow countryman in cities and towns of any size.

The fewness of numbers is key to understanding the peculiar dynamics of relationships and the assortment of troubles and distress rural residents experience.

Rural values. The values that underpin rural life are more family, social, religious and community-based. The social and relational parts of rural life are powerful in terms of stress and in their psychological rewards.

Rural people have lifelong relationships with relatives close by and friends who seem like family. People are judged on how good a neighbor they are. It is a major way people earn respect in a rural community.

Occupations and careers are important, but only in a larger context of social obligations and constraints. People count. Community counts.

Rituals are enacted. The cycle of life repeats itself through birth and death, summer and winter, sowing and harvesting, young and old - a never-ending succession of patterns and rhythms. One generation replaces the next.

The landscape is familiar and comforting. Family history and connection is meaningful. Local history is passed on as a part of heritage. Each person’s future and family well-being are tied to place.

The "place" is alive. It is whole. It has a life of its own. It is the glue that holds things together. To be separated from place is to not belong or be a part of something important. Place is the stage upon which the drama of life is being played out.

Importance of belonging. Personal identity is drawn from the association and support of other people. Belonging and being in good standing with the group has deep meaning. Reliance on social identity is at once a strength and a weakness. The boundaries between oneself and others is more fluid and subject to pressures and threat.

Rural people accept the interplay between good and bad, accommodate themselves to the reality they see, and do what is necessary to be in harmony with their environment. They have a sense of how things fit together and how decisions affect each life.

The downside of rural life. When people are in short supply, they are recruited and "pressured" into community service. Serving in multiple roles adds to stress. The same person may serve on different civic boards or as a member of various groups.

At the same time, community members see and meet each other at church, school functions, games, stores, dealerships, card parties, weddings, funerals, community fund raisers and at the local cafes and bars. They "change hats" often and make subtle shifts in relationships depending on the roles they are playing.

How do people cope with complicated social relationships when goals and ideas come in conflict? By

being "nice," that's how. Being "nice" means not rocking the boat, not engaging in controversy and not giving strong opinions. It means papering over conflict and living with the difference.

In a word; they "stuff it." Being "nice" is the socially correct way of coexisting in a rural community. To be other than "nice" invites criticism. It isn't safe not to be nice.

Feeling out of step, judged or excluded is painful. They often live lives of hidden pain, resentments and anger because they fear the pathway to reconciliation will cause further and perhaps irreparable harm. They live with private anger and opinions which they keep to themselves. Their public face and their private thoughts don't always match up.

This isn't to say that rural communities don't have people who are genuinely kind, compassionate, nonjudgmental and open with their feelings. These people don't have suppressed hostility and anger. They have a strong sense of identity. What you see is what you get. They are also nice.

Avoiding personal risks. Those who have difficulty in controlling their emotions or in resolving conflict find it easier to keep the peace. Being nice means they don't have to think, take a stand or risk rejection.

People are too interconnected to risk alienating each other or to start a feud. One blowup might last a lifetime. Everyone has vested interests. If you oppose someone strongly in one setting, he or she may block your goals in another.

Even enemies have friends. The friend of your enemy is your friend. To make an enemy is to put a strain on your friend. Strong political controversy rips apart the delicate social fabric of a rural community. People don't know how to act when lines of conflict divide the community.

Harmony is the value that makes the community work. Even if power is concentrated and public interest isn't served, it is still seems better to most people than raw, open controversy that upsets the social system. Attempts at change are more likely to go through indirect means such as gossip and social ostracism.

It is easy to stick your head in the sand and ignore injustice, abuse of power or harm to the public good. Calling attention to the problem will ruffle somebody’s feathers. Going along to get along perpetuates the status quo.

Change is hard in rural communities because of the inertia created by the need for social harmony. Personal integrity takes courage because it comes with a cost.